The Art Of Making Babies: IUI Cycle 3.1

Day 2 of Gonal-F injection.

Round 3 of ovarian stimulation and IUI.

3rd time is a charm.... let this saying be true.

Emotionally still not very stable but slightly better.

I wonder sometimes, how do people go through all these fertility treatment month after month with negative results and still keep on going? It is so tiring...emotionally, mentally and physically.

I hope I can be as strong as some of these women...

The dissapointment is heartbreaking. And it puts me in a very "blur" position. Like a big grey cloud over my head.

........

The Art Of Making Babies: IUI Cycle 2 Part 5

BFN!!! Yups! We got a BIG FAT NEGATIVE on my blood test.

Not pregnant!!

Whoa...was I dissapointed... this time, the dissapointment is bad... I cried for the whole day...I was so sure that it will work... but it did not.

Our first IUI that failed, I did not even cry... but man.... this time around I was in a mess for 2 days.... and then my Aunt Flow decided to rub salt into the deep wound by visiting!

Well, after some breaking down moments.... we decided to jump into another cycle of IUI immediately  which would be our last try. People say the third time is a charm... if not then we will move on to IVF....

Doing Absolutely Nothing @ The Andaman

Last weekend hubby treated me to a 3days and 2 nights of pure BLISS of doing absolutely nothing straining or stressful.

AWESOME!

The Andaman was just a treat for me... since it was a low peak season, there was practically no one around. Located on Datai Bay of the Andaman Sea, the sea was calm, clean and the sand was mighty fine. The whole experience of being lazy and pampered starts from here. 

The minute we walked into the resort, there was the beating of traditional gong to announce our arrival, then we were quickly welcome and ushered into the huge lounge overlooking the Andaman sea and served cold lemongrass tea and cold towels while all the paperwork was going on. The GM Ms. Anne Scott was a charmer! So was the F&B Director, Gindo. Checking in was a brief, no standing at the counter hassle... As we were escorted into our   room which was sea facing, we were greeted with our luggages in the room.... Honestly I did not notice where our luggages were when we walked into the resort...I think some guy must have took it out from the car... who cares!! It was in our room.... too bad I did not have a butler to unpack my bags!! Maybe the Four Seasons have that.....

The day then started with a lazy lunch by at their main restaurant and a quick walk around the resort... then it was bikini (check), iPad (check), iPod (check), sunblock (check), hot hubby (check) and to the private beach we went. 

That was what we did for the next 3 days, we did not move...ok maybe to go for a dip in the sea and occasionally the pool, the rest was done by the staff, every one hour, the staff will bring us fresh fruits, cold towels, drinks...all complimentary...and if I need anything else to eat, I just lift my lazy arms and the menu will appear right in front of me :)

And every night after hours of lazing around, we have pre-dinner cocktails before heading for dinner. OK the food is so - so only...nothing fantastic about it.... but I was not there for the food, I was there for the "doing nothing" part.

On the last day, the resort allowed us to check out at 6pm! BONUS!! so we spend the afternoon at their spa. And OMG, it was the best 2 hours of pure relaxation I had in months!!!

Our spa pavilion is secluded among the rain forest and overlooks the Andaman Sea. It's open air and while hubs and I were being scrubbed and massaged, it was just us, our massage therapist, the sound of the forests and the sound of the ocean. Not even a soul, a vehicle, or anything that reminds us of the daily rat race. After all, the V Botanical Spa @ Andaman was awarded one of the best 6 spas in Asia 2010 by Conde Nast magazine and many more awards which I can's seem to remember...

Oh well... the weekend did burn a deep hole in hubby's pocket, but he always want whats best for me....

Truly blessed and blissed out....

The Art Of Making Babies : IUI Cycle 2 Pt 4

I told a friend that I will only celebrate Mother's Day when I become a mom. Sounds so conceited rite... it shows my desperation of becoming a mummy... Of coz I do celebrate Mom's day... Last weekend we celebrated it in KL with my mom-in-law and yesterday we celebrate if with my mummy dearest.

In conjunction with Mother's Day, I did my IUI procedure. This time it was much much bearable that the first time. This time around, I knew what Dr. D was doing and I was more relaxed and not so anxious. So the nurse put me on the procedure table bed and was ask the open wide. Dr. D inserted a tool to keep open my uterus and he went on to prep my uterus wall ( cleaning and brushing) was rather uncomfortable but not painful, then hubs and I were shown to a test tube that contained hubby's most powerful boys. Just like that , Dr. D insert a long tube into my uterus and "beam" the little boys into me. We were shown on the scan the whole procedure but hubs sed all he could see was black and white screen, to him it was like a lost transmission! After the whole procedure, I was told to not move for a good 20 mins. And just like that it was over and I was sent home to rest and fingers and toes cross, in two weeks, A BIG FAT POSITIVE!!!!!

Dr. D told me to take it easy for the rest of the 2 weeks...so today hubs surprised me with  ( no not a new bag ) a mini weekend away at The Andaman, Langkawi!!! He is good to me :)

The Art Of Making Babies : IUI Cycle 2 Pt 3

Just done with Dr. D at his clinic.After 7 days of Gonal - F injections, he found one (yes one again) very gorgeous looking follicle which is already big enough to hatch ( OMG ! I sound like a hen !) I was very surprise and so was he. 

Anyhoos, he gave me a trigger shot Ovidrel to hatch the egg and tomorrow morning I am going in for my IUI procedure!! I am super excited! So there we go, after the procedure tomorrow then we will have to wait for two whole weeks before knowing if we are pregnant. If yes then woohooooo, if no, then back to the drawing board. Life is full of ups and downs.... please give me an upper since I have not have one for a long time. Life cycle...

In the mean time, I am told to relax, and chill and be a Zen master :)

The Art Of Making Babies : IUI Cycle 2 Pt 2

Today I started with the first injection of Gonal F for ovarian stimulation. Hubs did it for me like a pro, but I could not help feeling a wee bit scared. Thank God I did not feel anything except for a tiny tiny pinch...in fact I could not even feel anything. Either hubs is really good or I am getting used to it.

6 more days of jabs before my next ultra sound to see if there are any follicle(s) growing...please let it be more than one follicle. The last time I had one and it did not work...I need a back up... 2-3 follicles please!!!

In the mean time, let's enjoy the Royal Wedding of Willian and Kate... I love weddings....

The Art Of Making Babies : IUI Cycle 2

So the AF is here for a visit, and that means I have to make a visit to Dr. D. 

After much discussion with Dr. D, the hubs and I decided that we will try another round again provided that I have to be stress free and happy. So he prescribed me a 7 day shot of Gonal - F  for ovaries stimulation. So back to the needles and emotional roller coaster ride. This time I am ready for ya!! Bring it on!!!

So I gave mom a call and told her about our decision to try again... and she was supportive and all but told me not to blog or tell anyone!! I was like why not? Aiseh, I know she is like pantang and conservative and all, but I think sharing my problems and letting people who wants to know, know about it, to me it's not a big deal. Mom says it would further stress me out. Nah.... by keeping it all vent up inside me and not being able to share WILL even stress me up. To me it's an outlet. If people ask me questions then if I feel like it I will share more, if not I will just share less...it's really all up to me no?

Fertility problems should not be a taboo. But for most Asians family it is... it's like if a person has fertility issues then the family loses face! WTF rite! But a person deserves the rights to keep it hush hush if they choose to. No biggie... it depends on the person.

Oh well, I will definitely continue sharing my journey and one day share this journey with my many many children! OK lets start with one first.

The Art Of Making Babies : Aunt Flow In Town?

After 5 days of Duphaston, I would expect Aunt Flow (AF) to finally visit and get on with our injections and "horror"-mons medication, but nothing happen until today.... I feel a slight backache and a wee bit of cramping... part of me knows that AF is finally here but another part of me is thinking, could it be implantation bleeding and cramping? Things like this really drives me up the wall!! ARGH!  The good thing is that if AF is really here hooray we start treatment immediately, if it is not AF double hooray I might be preggers. So both also will end in something to look forward to. Yes I am trying to console myself and trying to make sense of things in this absolutely "siau" time of my life. So hurry up already, I wanna move on people!! chop chop!!!!

In the middle of my confused body, I went for a trial class for yoga. Apparently, I instantly love it! I love the fact that there is only 5 of us in the class, I love the fact that it is done at dusk in garden with incense and candles. I love the fact that my instructor is so supportive. I love the fact that it is not in a gym or a yoga center. I love the fact that it is so near our house. So I signed up for classes twice a week :) 

Apparently according to some "trying to conceive"  site, yoga is a good way to increase the chances of conceiving just because it is not aggressive as some other intense cardio workout which sometimes might just throw of the hormones and also it is a stress buster.

Ooommmmmm

The Right Approach To Losing Weight?

My doctor has been asking me to lose some weight in order to increase my chance in getting preggers. Many months of exercising and dieting I did not lose weight but gain weight instead.... maybe it's the muscle weight! Watever... And my doctor also told me to chill and relax... *rolls eyes*

So about a month ago, my colleague when on this three month weight management program by Nu Skin - The Right Approach Program (TRA) and she told me about the right way of eating and so on... being me... desperate to try ANYTHING, I jumped on the bandwagon. So far after 2 weeks I am glad to say I have lost 2 kilos from smart eating. I would thought I  would be starving and not get to eat many things...boy I was wrong....very wrong... I still get to enjoy my chicken rice, my hokkien mee, eat in restaurants... cook my pasta dishes :) 

TRA's basic rules:

1. I have to make sure to eat 3 times a day and if I am hungry I have to snack on fruits or veggies (which I have no problems with).

2. I have to eat portions based on the size of my fist and palm.

3. I have to eat fruits, veggies, protein and carbs in this order.

4. Light exercise 3-4 times a week.

And of course I would have to take their all-natural supplements to boost my metabolic rate, and burn and block fats.

Lets just hope that I will keep to this for 3 months *wink*

And to address the issue of me being stress ALL THE TIME. I have found a small yoga class close by to our house and I will be dragging the hubs and mom along for a trial next week. Fingers and toes cross that by eating right, exercise and yoga I will be in better shape and state of mind to have a bun baking in my oven.

The Art Of Making Babies : The Case Of The Missing Egg(s)

Aiseh! 

So I am not 5 weeks pregnant or even near to it!

My egg/eggs went on a holiday! It was confirmed by the doctor that I did not ovulate last month hence the missed period. I am cleared of any thyroid problems and the internal scan shows that my lady bits are all doing well... just a slight problem where there is no ovaries activities!

Where the hell did they go?? Maldives for some sun baking? Paris for some shopping? ( better bring me back a Chanal bag!)  Most likely according to the doctor, I am too stressed up. And as usual, I am told to chill and take things lightly and easy...and not to think about babies! Easy for you to say Dr. D! How am I suppose to not think about babies when I am wanting it so bad!!!

So I was given some Duphaston to bring back my period and hopefully to start injectables and IUI by next week. 

I must admit I was kinda disappointed when the blood test came back negative. So I treated myself to some nice clutches and hold back my tears and look forward positively ahead.

The Art Of Making Babies : A Missed Period Means Many Things

If I was pregnant today I would be technically 5 weeks. IF!

This is becoming very very frustrating. We were suppose to start with our second injectables and IUI this cycle but my aunt flow is not here to visit! and she is late by 16 days. I took a pregnancy test about 2 weeks ago and it read negative and I told myself to wait... and this morning I took another test using the best test kit available in the market and it still read a BIG FAT NEGATIVE! Hellooo I wanna see Positive sign!!

Feeling really "blahhh" I finally called my Dr. D's office and am going in tomorrow to see him. Well, actually I sort of already know why it could be a negative.

1. My eggs forgot to come out meaning I missed my ovulation ( which is super super bad when we wanna be preggers!)
2. I might have a thyroid problem which I am not aware of.
3. I might be actually preggers but my HCG level is not high enough to be detected.

Most probably is numero UNO! I did not ovulate last month! But I am hoping that it could be reason number 3.

The word is HOPE.

The funny thing was when my period was due 2 weeks ago, I did have all the PMS symptoms which is similar to pregnancy symptoms. What the hell is going on people!!!!!!!!???????

I need a to r & r soon before I go bonkers!

Update!

We have finally moved into our new home! But we still got lots to do...oh joy!

I missed the old place A LOT!

One thing I missed at the old place is NO mossies!!!! Seriously, living on landed house you with a garden in a tropical country is no joke... I have a variety of ants crawling, bugs, mosquitoes, spiders and CICAKS!!!! Loads of them! I try to keep them out of the house, so far so good.

I missed the view at The View...yes I missed sitting on the balcony and looking out at the night view of the Penang Bridge and the sea....

I missed cleaning a SMALL house! At this point, I am getting my mom's maid in to clean... I tried mopping 3 floors plus stairs and I was exhausted! And not to mention cleaning the garden, patio, balcony and car porch. Seriously no joke! I have not even started on the windows!!!

I missed proper rubbish collection. I don't think much about who collects my rubbish as long as at the end of the day my rubbish is collected. Well that was when we were living at the View ( the cleaners collect the rubbish TWICE a day!!) Now, I have to chase the rubbish truck and sometimes I have to leave my garbage door open so they can see that I have rubbish in the garbage "room". Oh how exciting *rolls eyes*

So dramatic rite??!!

Despite all that, I am loving the new house. I have a proper huge ass kitchen! (with Astro Beyond!)  Hubs and I no longer fights on who watches what. My bags have proper storage and my laundry room is no longer a corner!
I have a proper dressing room and hubs Star Wars collection is all in a room dedicated for it.

Next up... planning for a house warming and hoping for a baby :)

The One With The Skull

So in love with the latest Alexander McQueen Britannia Punk Box! I love the colour!

Very tempted but no more extra moolah for all unnecessary items :(

Someone give me a big fat bonus please.

The One With The Countdown

The countdown to "moving day" has begun... Many things around the new house is not yet done to my expectations...am I freaking out?... a bit...but I think I will freak out more if by next Friday they do not handover the house to us!

In the mean time, I will go get myself a hot stone massage and a nice long facial and maybe slip in pedicure and manicure this weekend in hopes that my stress level will remain controllable and also before I start "killing" people with my words.

Professionalism in tradesmen in Penang or maybe even the whole of Malaysia is dead. Either that or my expectations are super high.But I guess as time goes by, things will change and please do change for the better. 

14 days left...tick tock...tick tock....

The One With The Boxes

We are moving to our new house by the end of next week and this time around... I think I am more composed comparing to when we first move into our current condo. I guess maybe our new contractor/project manager/ID is much better and the tradesmen are also MUCH better.

BUT, being me, I will always be nit picking on every single thing and calling the project manager like 20 times a day! But overall I am not as stressed up...YET...so I hope my claws won't come out... I seriously do not want to hurt anyone :)

Last weekend was basically spend by packing up our lives into boxes. By the end of the 1st day, we have a total of 15 boxes and 5 boxes of shoes and that is not even half of our total junk stuff. I also learned that I have become my mom! A Hoarder!! I keep boxes which I do not know for what use and plastic containers and papers and ribbons and more boxes. 

At this point after 2 days of packing, what is left to pack in my kitchen, and my bags, our clothes and more uncategorized items.I intend to finish all the packing by the end of this week *fingers cross* maybe another 15 more boxes or so we should be done :)

So right now I am gonna go back and start calling my project manager and harass her.

xoxo

The Art Of Making Babies : IUI Pt 4

So the wait is finally over. Went in to take my blood test. Waited 2 hours (which seems like an eternity).

Result: Negative - Dr. D told me "it's not good"

That instant, my heart drops....

We are not pregnant.

Somehow, I did not cry...I did feel really disappointed...and I did ask myself if I did anything wrong...maybe I was too tense, maybe this, maybe that... then again the chances of a successful IUI is only 18%.

Now the question is do I want to take a month off doing IUI and continue the following month OR do I want to immediately try IUI again on my next cycle. I am really torn.

I do wanna try again immediately but then we will be moving house and I will be stressed up and what if it is negative again. And if I take a month off, it will be a month of waiting!!What if....what if....

Hubs on the other hand was indifferent... I have not spoken to him about this and I guess I just wanna be sad a while by myself.

Let's wait and see....

COME HOME SCOTTIE!

Missing since 4th Feb 2011, at night

Name : Scottie (male)

Breed : Shih Tzu

Colour : Beige

Age : 6 years old

Area : Bukit Jambul, Penang

Other features:

-Partially blind due to cataract

-Suffering arthritis

-Currently is suffering from ear infection

If you have seen or found Scottie, please contact Lynn on

 04 658 2573

REWARD AWAITS FOR THE SAFE RETURN OF SCOTTIE

The Art Of Making Babies : IUI Pt 3

....and the waiting game begins....

On Monday we went in for a scan and finally my follicle is big enough and so the doc prescribe me with Ovidrel for my final jab at night to induce the hatching of my one and only precious egg. Good !! no more Gonal-F injections every morning. Bad... coz the needle is slightly longer than the usual Gonal-F and more liquid means needle in me longer means oucchhh factor increase!

After the Ovidrel jab, I felt feverish and headache and just BLAHHH....not a good feeling for the next 24 hours... I was just tired...maybe emotionally drained...

Yesterday we went for our IUI procedure. Everything went on very well... except Dr. D kept asking me to relax if not my system will reject the washed sperm that was being out into my womb.How the hell do you relax when my bladder is full and it does not help when the nurse is pressing the ultrasound scan on my bladder!! It was over in less than 2 mins but he said it could have been faster if I were to relax! The feeling was weird... I could see from the scan that the "boys" were being inserted! Anyways..I got emo after that!! All the injections and headaches and mood swings and that was it, to prepare for this moment! 

I was then prescribe Duphaston to take for the next two weeks in order to make my "lining" stronger for implantation. So far its been make me pukish and thumping on my head. Not a good feeling but it will ALL be worth it when we get the positive result.

So for the next two weeks, it is a waiting game... thank God I have plenty to do with Chinese New Year around the corner and preparation for moving to our new house.

So let's all pray for good news in two weeks :) and may all our dream for a baby rabbit come true!

Happy Chinese New Year!!!

The Art Of Making Babies : IUI Pt 2

So it has been a week since I have been doing home injections to stimulate follicle growth and today we were at Dr. D's office for internal scan of the tiny little eggs.

He found ONE ONLY.

ONE! after all the injections I only have one which is usable. He said it is ok to have one, we don't wanna have multiples! But seriously ONE?? All our hope is on this one egg (which by the way is still not up to the correct size) 

So anyways, since the egg is not big  enough to inseminate, I am in store for another 4 days of injectables, which hubs is so excited coz he likes injecting me! Hopefully in four days time when we go back for another scan, my egg will be ready for some action!

*fingers cross*

The Art Of Making Babies : IUI

We failed in making little Pablo or little Eva while "anni-mooning" in Argentina.

Our fertility specialist Dr. D decided that taking Clomid and timed intercourse may not be suitable for us as we are rushing for time... my biological clock is ticking hard and loud and we wanna have more that one child before we turn 35 and we are already 32!

Yesterday, we discussed with Dr D and we all decided that injectables and IUI is our next step. So for the next 1 week I will self inject with follicle stimulation hormone to make sure my eggs are matured and to induce the release of the eggs then I will go through a series of scanning and blood test for the correct timing for the uterine insemination and let nature takes its course! 

I have to admit, this whole procedure is daunting to me even though it is a treatment that is done everyday by thousands of couple...but I somehow feel afraid... number one... needles! I hate needles and to self inject!!!! *faints*  Secondly, what if it does not work? how many cycles of IUI do I need to endure? and the emotional roller coaster! 

I got a bit emotional yesterday after seeing Dr D. Hubs was back in KL and I was all alone at home and me and my "free" mind started thinking and envisioning the worse.... I was in an emotional messed by myself...it was hard. But today! today is a different day...I feel much positive even today's jab hurts more than yesterday...I feel ok...but emotionally still struggling...not a clue why...blame it on the hormones!

I am praying hard that this cycle is gonna be the ONLY cycle we need to do...and I do not wanna buy sanitary pads for next month!