Post IVF #1

Time flies..it has been one week since we found out that we were not pregnant. And it has been a tough week. Thank goodness I have a great support system...family, friends and strangers. I can't thank them enough!

I admit, I still break down when I am alone. Hubs talks sense into  me everyday when he sees me about to succumb to tears. I guess this kinda grief takes time to heal. So I am not gonna lie to myself and say I am 100% ok... I am not, but I will be. I still feel the pinch when friends and family announce their preganancy or post up baby pictures. Yes I am sore.

I kept myself busy this one week by working and by planning a mini getaway to Hua Hin. So by the end of this week for the Raya break, hubs and I will be back in Bangkok and then make our way to Hua Hin for a few days. I do not know if it will make me feel better but I for sure knows that I need to get away from everyone for a while.

IVF #1 : It's All Over

Aunt Flow came and that confirmed that our 3 embabies are really gone. GONE. They will not be babies, just 3 round cells with hubby's and my DNA inside that ceast to exist and will be pass out as my menses, and this sickens me...seriously feel like throwing up thinking about it.

I am still in a state of blurness... this morning hubs caught me staring out the kitchen window with a blank look and dried out tears. He was very worried over me. But he has been wonderful... the day we found out I was not pregnant, he had flowers delivered to me to cheer me up. But honestly, no matter how much flowers he send to me the happy feeling is only temporary.

The menses cramps and flow after IVF to me is extremely painful and heavy comparing to a normal flow. I need my body to return to normal and lose all  4kgs of my IVF weight. I need a break from all the injections and scans and test.

We still have 3 little embabies frozen and we will be doing FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer) when I am ready. Maybe in 2-3 months time. And if it does not work again. We have decided for now to stop all medical treatments and move on with our lives.

 Just the two of us sounds good enough. Hubs told me he does not want me to go through IVF treatment ever again.... he can't stand to see me in this situation. I thank him for being so understanding and loving. From this IVF, we might not have gotten a baby, it has brought our relationship closer than ever. I am still very blessed for having him.

IVF #1 : It's A Negative

The little embabies of ours did not stick.

We lost them. For good.

Dr. D was upset. Everything we did was perfect. Still we are back at square one. Back at the beginning.

I cannot begin to explain how I feel. 

I broke down hard...really hard when I received the news and after almost 24 hours or crying and not being able to sleep properly, now my eyes and face is swollen.

Today I have decided to return to my office and immerse myself at work. Did help a bit...so far so good...no breaking down...no tears...just a achy pain in my heart.

Pictures of babies make me sick right now....I know that sounds awful but it does. It makes me sick and make me all teary.

 

Life is cruel that way.

IVF #1 : We Have Embabies!

Now I am back home serving my bed rest after the embryo transfer. It went really well except my ovaries are swollen as I have mild OHSS and slight UTI due to holding my blader while the procedure was performed . Out of the 10 fertilised eggs we manage to have 6 little embabies :) all Grade 4 and Grade 3, which is satisfactory...so we transferred 3 little ones and froze the other 3.

And now we wait.....

Dear embabies


Please be good and stick to mummy properly and grow.


Love,
Mummy n Daddy.

IVF #1 : Retrieval

Two days leading up to my retrieval, I was in pain, I could not walk, I was so bloated, my back ache like hell.

On the day of my retrieval, I was so happy. I could not take the pain in my ovaries anymore. My retrieval was at 9am and I was in the OT by 8am. Once again I find myself full of fear but I know this needed to be done. Nurse J gave me a numbing jab on my bum and I was on my way to highness. When I was finally wheeled into the OT, Dr.D prep my IV and then I was given my sedation. The thing with sedation, I was not 100%knocked out. I was drifting in and out. What I remembered was during the last few minutes, I guess the drugs must have slightly wear off, I could feel a very sharp pain in my lower abdomen, it must be the needles sucking out my eggs. When I woke up, I was already at the recovery bay... My embryologist told me they had manage to retrieve 13 follicles as scanned and there was 12 eggs and only 10 was matured. So we had 10 eggs. Not a lot but enough.

Hubs took care of me the whole night after that and when I was fully awake, I was no longer bloated and no pain...ok maybe I was popping too many pain killers.

The next step was to see how many embryos was fertilised and my mild OHSS to go away and the transfer