Christmas 2009 and the New Year went by in a daze... I did nothing...why?? coz I keep asking:
Have you ever feel that your life is all good....but actually it's not? But then again it is when there are so much more people worse off....
I had that wave of emotions for the last 2-3 months...
I was happy with my life... what's not to be? I have a fabulous hubby, a good paying job, all material things a person could ever have to be comfortable, friends, a social life, a loving family...everyone is healthy even my mom's dogs and fishes are all fine and dandy.
BUT at the same time I was unhappy... on the surface, everyone who met me would think OH wow!! she is so happy with life.,.. but then what you see outside (or in Facebook) is not what it really is behind close doors.
I was trying to pinpoint what exactly is wrong... I spoke to myself while taking a dump, showering, eating, driving....basically I was having a never ending conversation with myself... at one point I tot I was going insane!!
Then I finally spoke to my mom and hubby... and they made me realized that what was going on was the stress of work and year end performance reporting, the pressure of having a baby for all sides of our family and the clock ticking and the fear of western fertility treatment(coz got needles and all and yes I am a chicken shit!)
Pressure...that was the problem... that was what I was ignoring and did not want to acknowledge...that was when one fine day... I broke down... I hid myself in my laundry room and cried my eyes out and I felt all better after... and decided that sometimes we need to cry and its ok to cry... even when its a small thing...
Emotionally, I am still in a mess... I do not know when I will be ok... but my life still have to go on... I guess... that is what life is afterall.... there will be ups and downs...
I will be fine... I have to be... No I will NOT kill myself!! I just need more time to sort it out...
2 comments:
Yeah life is full of ups and downs... otherwise it would be boring! :p
Hang on there. I know you can figure out everything.
Hey, that happens to the best of us at times. And what's worse when (to everyone else) your life appears more than perfect with all the good that you have mentioned. But emotionally we all slip under stress every once in a while, and sometimes we just forget that it's perfectly normal.
Here's wishing you a great 2010 with minimal stress and with your all dreams fulfilled! :)
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